reflection on 2014

In the background, two humidifiers hum on and soft 2000s pop from the likes of Michelle Branch and Avril Lavigne play. A scratchy cough punctuates the space every so often, threatening to hurt harder every time the afflicted person coughs.

Certainly not the way in which I anticipated in welcoming the new year, bedridden and recovering from a serious cold, for the first time in at least six years.

Graduating from college, giving two instrumental recitals, starting my first real job, amongst other things– 2014 was a mélange of accomplishments, some of which when I look back, I can hardly fathom how I survived. I guess, on the outside, I do not easily betray emotion or stress, I tend to tell people “I’m dying” with a sarcastic smile. If only they knew how many times I came close to unraveling. When I reflect, I wonder about the constant cycle of pressure I’ve become accustomed to putting myself under and why I do it.

In 2014, I have accepted myself more than ever. What is characterized as “ambition” to others, is simply a way of life for me. I’m grateful for where I am, but I’ll always be on the lookout for what’s next. Life without an uphill climb is simply boring. I have accepted that perhaps I can’t get along swimmingly with everyone. I value the straightforward, the disingenuous and likewise strive to be so myself– I recognize that to some, this personality is grating and without tact, but I accept this.

I accept that I am alone.

Here’s to 2015, and our continuing acceptance of ourselves.

2 thoughts on “reflection on 2014

  1. Happy 2015, Michelle! I feel like we have more or less kept in touch for some time now, and I have always admired your accomplishments. I do have one question for you, though: are you happy? Or content? Or a mixture of those two? Throughout my time reading your posts I sense a definite drive and a solid ambition, but I want to ask if you feel good about yourself and all you have done. “Feel good” might sound too simplistic for you, but, on a basic level, you deserve happiness as much as anyone else, and your work ethic should not isolate you from that.

    Glad you are recovering from your cold, and I look forward to reading more from you in the future. As always. (:

    • Happy 2015 to you too.

      What a loaded question! In kind of a Michelle-way, I’d say that I’m not unhappy; I am definitely honored to have been able to the things I’ve been able to do. Certainly most people would say I’m too modest but it’s always been uncomfortable for me to sing or even think my own praises.. but even so, I’m not unhappy and even at times, I am happy.

      Michelle

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