In the background, two humidifiers hum on and soft 2000s pop from the likes of Michelle Branch and Avril Lavigne play. A scratchy cough punctuates the space every so often, threatening to hurt harder every time the afflicted person coughs.
Certainly not the way in which I anticipated in welcoming the new year, bedridden and recovering from a serious cold, for the first time in at least six years.
Graduating from college, giving two instrumental recitals, starting my first real job, amongst other things– 2014 was a mélange of accomplishments, some of which when I look back, I can hardly fathom how I survived. I guess, on the outside, I do not easily betray emotion or stress, I tend to tell people “I’m dying” with a sarcastic smile. If only they knew how many times I came close to unraveling. When I reflect, I wonder about the constant cycle of pressure I’ve become accustomed to putting myself under and why I do it.
In 2014, I have accepted myself more than ever. What is characterized as “ambition” to others, is simply a way of life for me. I’m grateful for where I am, but I’ll always be on the lookout for what’s next. Life without an uphill climb is simply boring. I have accepted that perhaps I can’t get along swimmingly with everyone. I value the straightforward, the disingenuous and likewise strive to be so myself– I recognize that to some, this personality is grating and without tact, but I accept this.
I accept that I am alone.
Here’s to 2015, and our continuing acceptance of ourselves.