angry asian woman

I woke up feeling pissed today. There is no other word to describe it properly– angry, annoyed, affronted, indignant, irate, resentful– I felt all the ugly rawness of being pissed.

Last night, I had attended a cocktail hosted by my workplace, and towards the end of the night, one of my fellow coworkers drawled out his advice to me. I honestly appreciated his pointers, and thanked him sincerely for it. I thought that was the end of the conversation.

Somehow, he started to ramble on how about at age 32 is your peak earning period and how when “When you’re 32 making $100,000 and have a husband and children..” at which point I could not contain my irritation and butted in, saying, “Who says I will have a husband? Who says I will have children?” He then immediately replied, “Michelle, you just have no confidence in yourself!”

If I was drinking something, I would have spluttered all over the place. I was outraged. He had assumed that my very obvious irritation was my fear at an inability to attract a husband. He implied that women fear the life without the husband; that having a husband is one of our end goals. That is, the pinnacle of a woman who “has it all” must include the career, husband and children in tow, and of course, if I had the ‘confidence’, my reward would be a family life. This, coming from a person that is only four years older than me. The ugliness of gender typing reared its head even in a ‘young’ person, in a generation that is supposed to be for progressive equality.

Plenty of women with low self-esteem get married and have children every day, but I am not one of those women who will demean my self-respect and do something that I do not truly want. Perhaps I am gay. Perhaps I am asexual. Perhaps I do not like children. Perhaps I am a sociopath. Perhaps I just have no time. The bottom line is– if I do not want or have a husband or children– others should shut up and march on. Life is a series of priorities, I’ve ordered mine, and you focus on yours.

Confidence or a lack thereof has nothing to do with it. At the end of the day, you die alone, and you feel your own happiness alone. Betting your happiness on a set of antiquated social standards can only be self-defeating.


6 thoughts on “angry asian woman

  1. Great post, Michelle. It is refreshing to know that there are such self-aware, confident young women in the world such as yourself.

    “Betting your happiness on a set of antiquated social standards can only be self-defeating.” That really says it all. If I had a penny for every defeated person, man & woman alike, who have ever suffered from the defeat of the dream of fulfillment that comes from looking for happiness in another person, or following what is the “accepted norm,” & watching that crumble, I would absolutely be a billionaire! (And as an older woman, I wish I would have figured it out earlier, myself. It would have saved me years of heartache & misery.)

    • :) it’s nice to know I’m heading on the right track, especially from someone who has run a few races already! Yes, personal fulfillment is exactly that– personal.


  2. I would love to click ‘like’ a thousand of times but wordpress has forbidden me to do so. I LOVE THIS POST! Please excuse my over-excited caps.
    This reminds me of the encounter with my great aunt when she said I am at the age to have a steady boyfriend instead of remaining single. I questioned myself, “I am happily single and why are people so concerned about it?” Everyone seem to have a template of how a person should be like at certain age. But really? Are husband and kids a necessity? It angers me to no end when people ask me that because it makes me feel like they are expecting me to fulfill the role in a society of somesort.
    I’m so glad that you share same opinions with me.


    • thank you! yes, most people say “you don’t have a boyfriend? really?” I tell them that “I have no time” and they usually look at me like I’m really sad person. Also when I tell them I don’t drink (because no matter what alcohol I drink, it tastes bad to me). >_>


      • Oh my god, yes! The same look I get when I tell people that I have no boyfriend. Or that suspicious ‘I-am-not-buying-your-words’ look. I should probably tell them I’m dating a celebrity and he doesn’t want the news to get out. Lol.
        I don’t drink too! I am really allergic to alcohol (plus, it tastes awful! I don’t know how people drink that) and people just don’t believe me. The biggest wish of my friends is to see me get drunk, at least tipsy. I believe they even have a wager on that.


  3. Michelle, I’ve always admired your ability to know what you want out of life and to stick to it, irrespective of what ignorant people like that coworker stated. It’s great that you didn’t pick a fight with him despite how offensive his comments were – you’re brilliant so you’ll get to where you want to go without a doubt!

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