[kpop/musings] how to comment respectfully.

I’ve never had much of a problem on this blog with hateful comments. Granted, I’ve had a few here and there, and I usually follow one of these three courses of action, depending on the severity of hate:

  1. severe + real email: email the person back and tell them exactly why I believe their comment is unsuitable; if they answer back with a defense and it is well-written and executed, I will publish the comment with my emailed response as a reply.  I have never actually gotten emails back, so I have never completed this to fruition.
  2. severe + fake email: for example, anon@anon.com. I delete all of those immediately. Leaving a fake email screams to me that you don’t want accountability; I know, the internet is a place where everyone can be a dog, but that’s not how I run this little square of internetz, I’m sorry. This is a place for safe discussion, and if you feel like you can hide behind a wall of anonymity and be trolly, this is not your neighborhood.
  3. mild: publish the comment, and write a lengthy retort back. I usually do this, though I’m always scared people will read it and think I’m losing my temper (which in a lot of cases, I am).

Why am I thinking about this now? Two days ago, someone on 6theory, the companion forum to AllKPop, found my article that summarized their “who’s gay in kpop” thread, and I received a huge spike in traffic to the innocent lam and garnered quite a few derogatory comments. I stopped reading after the third page.

Moreover, one of my friends is one of the most wittiest, bravest, and most prescient bloggers out there in the kpop world, and also one of the ones that attracts the most hate. I was reading through some of her articles today, and the comments left on there were extremely disheartening.

I don’t want any of my readers to ever be that way. Please. Here are some things to think about if you are writing a comment that is not necessarily in praise of the post:

  • are you insulting the author himself / herself? There’s a difference between saying the opinion is stupid and the author himself / herself is stupid. Especially online, I don’t think any of us are qualified to make that personal judgment.
  • can you understand where the author is coming from? This might be one of the hardest things to do, because so many of us are ensconced in the fandom and believe that everything so-and-so idols do are perfect. Even for a few moments, can you acknowledge the truth in a different interpretation? If you can, chances are that this author is not being an anti-fan, and is being fair in his or her judgment.
  • can you comment on it without using the word, “butthurt“? If you can, brava. Bravissima.
  • is your own logic sound? The most obvious question to ask when evaluating the logic is: “Can somebody use your own reasoning against you?” For example, I just commented on a Seoulbeats article and someone replied asking me, “Well, who are you to say she isn’t bitchy? Have you met her? Physically talked to her?” and then I said something along the lines of, “Well, have you met her? Who are you to say she is bitchy?” … that sort of reasoning gets you into dead ends, so avoid that.

one of the few macros I actually made myself

There were three things that people said about me on the forum that really bothered me.
  1. A lot of what she posted she took out of context.
    Er.. that forum is more than 300+ pages at this point, is it really possible for me to put every single comment in context? I took everything with good humor, which I worked hard to convey. Honestly, I originally had a category called “the most inane comments ever” but decided to not to fill it because that would be mean and disparaging.
  2. She’s an economics major, what can you expect?
    What does that mean? If I said I was a music major, would their insults have been any different? How about you guys? You’re just a random person on 6theory, what can I expect? Respectful comments?
  3. She’s just probably butthurt that her bias Jonghyun prefers Key over her.
    Having a bias does not necessarily mean “I want to marry him” or “he’s my boyfriend / teddy bear / husband forever” or “Key can’t have him because he’s mine” or “I can’t critique him ever because he’s perfect”. I think Jonghyun is a good singer and good-looking, and I follow his stuff more than the other SHINee members. Having a bias can mean you just simply like him more than the other members. That’s about it. I don’t get why I would be butthurt if JongKey was a couple, I’ve said several times they’re the only SHINee shipping that I would support, and it’s their personal lives, so getting butthurt over something I can’t affect is ridiculous and a waste of time.

I apologize if this turned out a bit ranty, but one day we will all reach a point where SHINee is nothing but an old forgotten tumblr and a few CDs on the shelf. We will look back in nostalgia, we will be grateful to them for having given us such wonderful things, but there will be other wonderful things in life for you to focus on as well. So, please, instead of commenting disparagingly all the time, just focus on things that make you happy. If you must comment negatively, please do so with respect.

Thank you.


10 thoughts on “[kpop/musings] how to comment respectfully.

  1. I’m convinced that some people have nothing better to do than comment saying nasty and mean things.I especially hate anon comments because most of the time they think that being anonymous gives them the power to say anything in the world. I must say the comment, “You are just jealous/butthurt/mad that your bias likes -insert name here- and not you,” is extremely annoying because not everyone is delusional enough to think that their bias will find them one day and marry them.

    But anyway great post ^.^ I wish many people could see this.

    • lulz, I see I’m getting a spike in traffic from 6theory again, so many people are seeing it, but I’m not sure they’re happy about it. I’m not looking this time =.= because some are probably trying to defend their egos by deflating mine .. sigh ..

      thank you for the encouragement.. I agree, those butthurt comments are just ridiculous. There is simply no good counterargument except “you’re the crazy one, I’m not!” XD

      ^^; Michelle

  2. “…one day we will all reach a point where SHINee is nothing but an old forgotten tumblr and a few CDs on the shelf. We will look back in nostalgia, we will be grateful to them for having given us such wonderful things, but there will be other wonderful things in life for you to focus on as well.”
    ~ Nicely stated!
    I think “Politeness” in general is falling buy the wayside & that is so unfortunate. There will ALWAYS be people who don’t agree with you, but there ARE ways to discuss your differences in a non-attacking way! <3

    • totally true. also, I don’t really think I am discussing things that are of huge importance either =.= I would understand if I was talking about abortion, and kpop is such small beans compared to that.. I think a lot of people who are being hateful are quite nice and normal in real life, so I hate to see them behave this way, just because it’s ‘online’ and ‘anonymous’.

      thank you for your support, ^^;

  3. XD I am so totally prepared for the Kpop industry to be gone (or at least severely downplayed) in the near future. But yeah, I was stating my opinion on Taemin in the Japanese Replay on YouTube, and it was nice to know some people were on my side when I mentioned that because I like Jonghyun, it’s not that I exceptionally hate Taemin, only that I like him a little less.The comments I can barely stand are the ones that completely miss the point of my argument. .__.

  4. Pingback: [kpop] Chinese shawol’s fan account of SHINee post-concert celebration, several disturbing observations « the innocent lam

  5. i do want to know your tactic in getting more viewers. how many subscribers do you have anyways? tips on making one’s vlog (not blog, i dont have an active blog) more viewed?

    • hm.. I was reading through some of my posts and realized I never responded to this.. I will write a blog post on this right now.. though I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert on this.


  6. Pingback: [blog] some tactics to increase readership | the innocent lam

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