[kpop/musings] Who needs a boyfriend when you have a super idealized kpop guy with pink lips?…

Who needs a boyfriend now when I have this image of a pretend person?

I want to address the general truth that fangirls generally never have boyfriends because they have X idol.  In this case, Jonghyun.  With his tongue sticking out, licking his upper lip.  Yep.

I became introduced to kpop when I first heard about Rain being on top of Time Magazine’s poll on the 100 most influential people (I was still a nerd in middle school), and I was curious, and I was instantly amazed that an Asian person could be so much like an Usher.  The body (Asians have pecs?), the voice, and have a pretty good music video (the wings stretching out in I’m Coming!).

Slowly, but surely, I became saturated with the Korean pop industry, and I became so used to androgynous males and hyper-feminized girls, that most of the time I never blink an eye when I see a over-metrosexual man.  I don’t find anything wrong for men to have manicures, expertly done hair, a little makeup, and slender bodies.  To giggle and be shy.

At the same time, I still watch American TV, but the Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy in Grey’s Anatomy that sort of entranced me in the beginning now held no attraction for me.  I really liked the sarcasm of Christina, though, so I kept watching.  I noticed that in every single Korean drama, there would be one male that I would think was absurdly good-looking.  In every American television show, I would lucky if I could even find a decent-looking one after every 10 shows.

I am faced with the sad conclusion that because of my immersion into Korean pop, I’ve lost all my taste for Caucasian men.  Statistically, I will end up marrying a Caucasian, but I no longer think them as attractive as, say, X idol.  These idols have given us an ideal that is nearly impossible to fulfill in real life, and this ideal does not prevent us necessarily from seeking out men– the opposite probably occurs.  We compulsively check out more guys than usual because so few match Jonghyun-tongue-out standards.

Then this pathetic state of not having a partner leads us to proclaim (quite pathetically), who needs a boyfriend when we have Jonghyun-xi?!! And stare at a bajillion pictures of some barely legal pictures of a shirtless Taemin even if you’re a totally old noona.

I just want all of us to recognize what we have become, and stop becoming obsessive, that it’s all right to dream, but it’s not all right to assume that these silly dreams will become reality.  It’s not all right to fantasize about Jonghyun being your boyfriend, because he’s going to be my husband.

I’m just joking, but I urge you to consider what type of fan you are, and recognize the limits.  Recognize the idols’ limits.  Recognize that Jonghyun probably sucks at cooking, so you wouldn’t want him as your husband. Some may argue that as idols, they encourage fervent idolatry– yes, in part, they do bring this on themselves, but remember, they’re still boys growing up who suck at cooking.


10 thoughts on “[kpop/musings] Who needs a boyfriend when you have a super idealized kpop guy with pink lips?…

  1. soooo incredibly true. i feel like fangirls spend wayyy too much time fantaizing about an idol who isnt as amazingly perfect as we all think they are. im guilty, yes… but limits are necessary, right?

    • yes, you are correct, it’s important to recognize how fangirly you are and separate what’s real and what’s not.. I have no problem with all the screaming and whatever, but when someone repeatedly fantasizes and convinces themselves that so-and-so is going to be their boyfriend, that they’re absolutely perfect, and starts attacking people for every little thing they say about Jonghyun’s hair, that’s just ridiculous.. once you recognize this, then you can definitely set limits.

      I admit, I have 40 vids of just Lucifer perfs. on my iPod, but I will, never, never go actively stalking for pictures of Taemin in school. The pictures I see are mostly from AllKPop and other sites I read.

  2. Pingback: [kpop] CONFIRMED. TAEMIN DOES NOT HAVE ABS. HA. « The Innocent Lam

  3. Pingback: [ed. 1] a general inquiry of persona « The Innocent Lam

  4. Unfortunatly I am guilty of all of this. The first time I saw LeeTeuk of Super Junior, I fell in love. His eyes, his smile, his voice. It’s all heaven to me and even though I am well aware of the fact that “us” will mever ever happen, I still wish for it to happen. :( I have not taken the step of obsession over the limit, but that is only because of my 19 month old daughter. The only problem is that now, I am no longer attracted to Caucasian men. Every male I look at turn into sexy Asian’s with perfect hair and those sexy smiles. I wonder if I will ever become attracted to Caucasian men again or if it’ll always be this way.

    Thank you for writting this blog because I knew there were people out there like me but I wasn’t sure if they came forward or not. You’re blog has opened my eyes and I think I need to maybe back down a little from my Kpop obsession. ^//^

    • :3 aw, you brightened up my day considerably! this is the whole reason I write this blog.. and don’t worry, I understand, it’s very hard to break out of obsession because we will probably never meet them and thus will always have an imaginary view of them.. but I think that knowing this, it makes all the difference :)

      have an amazing day! :D I hope that you and your daughter find yourself well.

  5. Pingback: [blog] compilation of fangirl rants.. er.. blog posts « The Innocent Lam

  6. First of all, I would like to say how much I have been enjoying your blog. You come across as very intelligent & humorous – which is a great combination. I actually found your blog while I was searching for some SHINee pictures on the web.
    While I am a relatively new SHINee fan, (only about a year or so,) I am not new to enjoying good music nor androgyny. I have been a huge music fan since I was a child & even played music & sang in bands of my own until a few years ago. I was also a hairdresser & a make-up artist, worked on a few music videos as a stylist. I have even done some filming as well as catering. Anything to be near the creative process!
    I “get” the idol thing to an extent. I hold many creative people in high regard. I am even old enough to have fantasized that John Taylor of Duran Duran was going to marry me, way back in the 80’s (lol) BUT – I wasn’t heartbroken when he, (or any of my other “crushes from afar”) dated or were married. I was actually happy that they were happy. I think that is the attitude people should take, wether you know them “In real life” or not. If someone makes YOU happy, then wouldn’t you also want THEM to be happy in return, no mater what?
    I think people should take a look at what is so attractive to them about their idols. Is it just their looks? Their talent? Their success? Or the fact that they are just fantasy fodder or an escape? I say to anyone who dreams of marrying an “idol” type – they are just people, doing their job. It’s a very glamorous, creative, stressful job, but it’s a job nonetheless. If that is so attractive to you, then maybe YOU should do some of those things yourself? Write songs, make clothes, go to hair school, learn an instrument, take dance classes, become a filmmaker, editor, lighting director, etc. Then YOU can be part of that Industry, too – and you can meet other cool, creative, interesting & hard-working people.
    Being in the music business & DJing in the past has allowed me to meet A LOT of musicians, both famous & underground. Most people are just really normal. Some are insane, some are very charismatic, some are rude, even, but most are just regular people with a passion for the “arts”. SO if that’s YOU, then by all means, make it your life! If you’re just in it thinking that your idol is somehow going to meet you for no reason, fall in love & take you away to some sort of romantic paradise & everything is going to be perfect forever – then I’m sorry but that’s most likely NOT going to happen. Some people DO marry their idols. I remember reading that the late actress Natalie Wood would stare at pictures of Robert Wagner & think to herself, “I’m going to marry that man someday,” but remember SHE was also an actress – In the same industry as him, so it wasn’t AS far-fetched of a fantasy.
    Sorry for rambling so long but I would like to finally say that it’s important to figure out what you really are interested in & do it, & also remember that NO ONE is “perfect” – there’s an ARMY of people helping to bring that idol image across.
    AND – Thanks again for the great, funny blog – I love it! :)

    • :) thank you for writing this epic exhortation!

      “Sorry for rambling so long but I would like to finally say that it’s important to figure out what you really are interested in & do it, & also remember that NO ONE is “perfect” – there’s an ARMY of people helping to bring that idol image across.” This sentence is especially poignant; I have a friend who is a diehard fan of kpop, and she’s currently pursuing east Asian studies and a career in music production, and ‘chasing her dreams’. People who can do that, instead of sitting around and fantasizing, are amazing.. imagination is a powerful thing, but when imagination becomes reality… ^^

      thank you for reading! I’m so glad you have caught my humor. Sadly, I think my irony especially gets misconstrued a lot due to the fact I have a lot of foreign readers. Likewise, I have subscribed to your blog by Google Reader, and I look forward to your posts :D

  7. I have no idea how old this post is but imma comment anyway LOL sorry if this bothers you
    But as jonghyun is my ultimate bias, I found myself reading this with 1) such pride that my ultimate bias is the ideal Kpop idol that everyone would want to date and 2) in complete agreement with not as much of a heartbreaking eye opening moment as I would have had a year and a half ago
    I love jonghyun to death, but I know that I wouldn’t marry someone like him. His singing and facial expressions and personality are enough for me to put him above everyone other idol, but I’ve also seen enough to know that I wouldn’t marry him. His humor and personality are awk af as much as his singing is one of the best in Kpop. He just isn’t for me as a love partner
    I feel like I broke that immature fangirl barrier when I was only a few months into Kpop. Key was my ultimate bias and I had a very youthful immature fangirl heart and I was so obsessed but then I randomly clicked on a compilation video of all of his kisses in his musical “Bonnie and Clyde” and omg I was so devastated and decided to quit Kpop
    But then ring ding dong wouldn’t get out of my head so I decided to give Kpop another chance LOL
    I love your blogs btw (:

Share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s